Sing and Run

Disclaimer: If you can run 5K easily under 20-25 minutes then this post is not for you.

 

This post is for those who wish to jog and keep an alarm at 5:30 AM in the morning and snooze it 10 times till 10. It’s for those who gasp for air like dogs with their tongue out literally trying to find some oxygen in the atmosphere. It’s for those who want the 6 pack abs (now that’s some motivation huh!)

You sick pro runners, we joggers hate you :p

From my college days, I used to say that I will start jogging from next Monday; since I am the baap of procrastination my Monday never came. I even made a resolution last year to jog every single day which I strictly followed till Jan 2nd.

So in 2016, I thought to carry forward all my resolutions from the past years. Since Jan was a trial month (as always) I thought of implementing it from Feb, like jogging every alternate day. And here I am writing this blog (and I have started jogging too, I ran 5 times (25 KMs) this month 🙂

Today, after few (2) KMs of a jog, I thought this is the end of me, I am gonna die here besides the drunk beggar who was sleeping on the road but somehow I finished the jog after the motivational speech which I gave to myself.  Everybody needs some kind of motivation once in a while, so I thought of sharing my 2 cents here through this post.

*** What the heck. Why should I Jog? It sounds pretty lame, waking up before the sunrise (lol), then jog 5 KMs (which is never gonna happen) ***

Okay, so this is why you should jog…

  1. Health is wealth. You can always make money but you can’t always  make memories be healthy
  2. A good jog clears your mind. You can’t think of all your problems when you are out breath and feel like dying
  3. Chicks! (This is what I am talking about) You can also find some pretty chicks who try to keep themselves in shape and some fat chicks who wanna look like the pretty chicks

-After the jog-

  1. You feel like you are high. You get a bit dizzy like you consumed 2 large of scotch (especially JD, nice huh)
  2. And this is the best part. It feels like sex; sorry, let me stand corrected it feels more like after-orgasm.

-After few days-

  1. You will improve your stamina, definitely a good thing to have in bed

Let me assume that the last and the second last point have convinced you to clean the dust out of those running shoes. So this is what you should do tonight before your first run – check out few videos on the right posture, decide a route (place), set your goal (distance vs. time), create a playlist, have a good meal (you would need a lot of energy) and good sleep; please don’t forget to check your alarm (and don’t snooze it; keep it in the other corner of the room)

*** Jog in the morning, no way. But let me just give it a try ***

Now if you (accidentally) get up in the morning, this is what you should do; drink a good amount of water and poop (it definitely helps – and you feel a lot lighter). I am repeating it again, take a shit – you don’t wanna fart while you are running (in case you are doing this with your GF; you can skip this if you are doing it with your wife). Few people emphasize on warm up but I think the jog itself is a kind of warm up; all you can do is, do a bit of stretching before your jog.

It’s really important to focus on the goal; it can be either time or distance (not both). For example, either you decide you are gonna run 5 KM in N number of minutes or you are gonna run for 30 minutes and not worry about the distance. And try to stick to it. It really helps.

***Finally, I hit the road***

I know it feels great initially within half a kilometer; feels GOOD. The real “thing” starts after that. You start to feel the lack of oxygen, kind of burning sensation. Here is the tweak for it, always run in rhythm like an A.R Rahman song.

***What does that even mean***

That means to control your breath. I am just going to drop a link regarding this – http://runnersconnect.net/running-tips/how-to-breathe-when-running/

Now comes your nemesis – Your INNER SELF.

***I can’t do this. My legs are paining, I am out of breath. My body is on fire. I am fucking dying***

You will start hearing those voices which will cuss you to death. I call it the JOKER (yeah I am a BAT fan)

JOKER, as you know, will tear you down mentally. He will say you can’t, but never back down. Try to motivate yourself listen to your music (hum the tune), think of the chick who you might encounter after a KM or so, try to scare the dog, think of something which keeps you awake at night (origin of universe, aliens etc), remember those epic dialogs of Rocky Balboa (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_Vg4uyYwEk), imagine you are a fucking superhero (BATMAN, hell yeah) just do something but don’t stop until you reach your goal, It is going to be tough but do not give up

***Who is this preachy fucker***.

I am no motivational speaker and I hate to give advice. But let me tell you something if this post was written by someone else a few years back then maybe, I would have been running in the Rio Olympics 2016 :p

***Finally I have reached the end of this goddamn post, OMG***

 

P.S. With this I am making my debut to the blogger’s world. I hope you like it and those who think otherwise I am open to all kind of suggestions so that I can make myself better. By the way, I know the title should be “Sing and Jog” and not “Sing and Run” :p

@Gautham (http://beinggautham.blogspot.in/) and Tushar (http://rush2tushar.blogspot.in/) – Buddies, you are the ones who have motivated me to write 😀

INDEX: 01 10

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51 thoughts on “Sing and Run

      1. These posts made my day! 😀 This is probably the second or third blog I found here that’s so funny 😀 I feel like everyone should know about it now :’)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. My Dear Jaidev, Thanks for this. …Am 68 years old and a Heart Patient, …could never run, or even jog, even during my Youth. Was always out of breath.

    But I DO walk. Or try to, everyday. And I keep it to a Distance, About 2 to 3 Km.

    And Important: I NEVER say Early in the morning or whatever. For me, it is Once a day. Even if it has to be at 11 PM!

    All the Best and Regards. Thanks for the Follow. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Had a good laugh reading that.. Nice writing style.. Though I am not going to take up running / jogging after reading your post, I will definitely have a look out for your other posts.. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I wish I liked jogging and could be excited by the ‘freedom’ that everyone talks about but I much prefer the snooze button and besides, it’s still cold outside here! Thanks for following and welcome to the blogosphere 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m not a runner but I’m a keen walker and I love my zumba. Almost as much as I love sex and orgasms! Thanks for following my blog, think I might have to stick around and follow you as well. You make me laugh.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Good luck whether you jog or not. I tried it and after 100yards nearly had a heart attack so decided it was not for me, mind you that was 40 years ago and now as you have found I tend to exercise in more gentle pursuits like writing. Thanks for the follow on Hanukah & the Angel JD. Love, David

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I am not into jogging but I ride the scooter early morn as soon as the cigarette shop and the coffee shop opens. The writing about seeing “CHICKS” is funny. I live in a village and so that option is also out for me. Anand Bose from Kerala.

    Liked by 4 people

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